he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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