Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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