i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
