Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
