So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
