You work out of a Hotel?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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