And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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