im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
