What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
