i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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