we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
