I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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