five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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