I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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