Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
