Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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