I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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