Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
