I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
