so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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