A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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