I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
