Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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