actually, I'm a sock model
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
