Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
