You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
