Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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