you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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