she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
