it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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