I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
