something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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