On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
