I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
