I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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