The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
