she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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