Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
