I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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