I feel like abortions should bother me more
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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