I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
