I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
