she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
