i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
