Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
