why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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