Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
