i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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