i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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