I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
