You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
