too bad you live with your parents still
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
