he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
