ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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