I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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