He kissed a someone with a penis
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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