I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
