Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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