Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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