My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
