the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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