I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
