man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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