if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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