Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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