This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
