i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
