Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
