Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
